Among them are blaming exes for breakups and uncontrollable behavior.
Everyone has their preferences and their list of categorical “no’s” – traits we wouldn’t want to see in a partner. Some will not build a relationship with someone who doesn’t want children. For some, a common religion is very important. By the way, if you are looking for your life partner Christian dating will help you with it. Are there any universal “red flags”? For example, cheating in a past relationship. Does this mean that the person will not be faithful in the current one?
Not necessarily, says the author of the book “When You’re the One Who Cheats” (When You’re the One Who Cheats), psychotherapist Tammy Nelson. According to her, one of the most common beliefs – “Cheated once, will cheat again” – is far from always true. However, there are a few signs that can help identify the serial cheater.
Problems with self-esteem.
The constant pursuit of new victories on the love front for some is a way to instantly raise low self-esteem or a subconscious desire to prove something to themselves.
“Sometimes people cheat to prove their worth, to show that they are good enough, worthy enough, and desirable enough. And it can be a way to fill a hole in self-esteem,” notes Tammy Nelson. – Gradually chronic affairs turn into an internal source of pressure when one affair is not enough and you need to convince yourself over and over again that you are worth something. No relationship can conclusively convince such people of their worth.
Blaming Exes for Breakups
One of the most obvious signs of a serial cheater is an inability to take responsibility for their actions and mistakes. This is especially evident in past relationships. If a person blames his former partners for everything, he is hardly capable of self-reflection and healthy personal development.
“It’s time for cheaters to stop blaming others for their cheating trips. No matter how miserable or angry they are at their partners, no one deserves to be treated that way,” insists Tammy Nelson.
Breach of Commitment
Every relationship has its agreements and unspoken rules. And as soon as they are broken, there are problems. For example, if both partners are okay with a free relationship and they are perfectly happy with that state of affairs, everything is fine. However, if a couple has previously agreed to a monogamous union, and later one suddenly changes his or her mind and breaks the commitment, this is unacceptable.
Uncontrollable attraction
It can lead to inappropriate behavior of a sexual, emotional, or other nature. All because the person becomes much more interested not in the fact of satisfaction, but in the process of seeking it.
“When a cheater repeats the same patterns of behavior over and over again, such as constant emotional or sexual affairs, it becomes a mania. And it’s not the need for love or passion per se, but the inability to live without the search process itself,” Tammy Nelson explains.
If you find it hard to accept that a partner possesses some of these attributes, remember that people are much deeper and more complicated than that. “Cheating can be anything but simple. As much as we like to think of cheaters as bad people, most of them want to be honest and tell the truth,” notes Tammy Nelson. A loved one’s self-esteem problems don’t automatically mean they can’t stay faithful to you. Look at the big picture and discuss with your partner what’s bothering you.
